We've all been there. A relationship is going strong for the first few months, really good sex life, you're all over each other every time you are left alone and it's feels like it will last forever...
Fast forward a few months more and all of a sudden she's not in the mood every couple of nights. There's always a reason, sure, she ate too much at dinner. Been really tired from work lately etc etc. Now this is not to say that she is to blame. Oh no the truth could not be rather from the truth:
The real problem is that no matter how much sexual chemistry you have with you lover over time you will simply have 'gotten used' to having sex with each other. This will be seen for both the man and woman but is typically more obvious in women due to the male libedo both being easier to arouse and satisfy, if only for a short while.
What Can You Do?
If this pattern is inevitable what can you, or indeed should you do about it? Let's run through our options to help work out the best plan of action:
1. Spice things up in the bedroom: This is the first port of call when things are starting to slow down. Remember if your girlfriend is saying she's not in the mood it most likely does not mean she does not fancy you so don't take it personally. In fact you will be surprised how easy it is to get her really excited by just changing some small things and really going out of your way to show how much she turns you on. Try taking a bath together and you might find that just being naked together will get things going all by itself. And if that's not quite enough, try leaning over her and kissing her mouth and body, or pulling her up out of the water and sucking her tits. Just this simple display of sexual desire can get her very wet, and not just because of the bath water!
Don't go too far out of your comfort zone though. You need to feel comfortable and confident for her to feel your passionate advance. So don't worry too much about pleasing her, just focus on enjoying her, all of her, and that passion will make her feel special and desired more than you studying the kama sutra and sweating beads trying to get it 'right'.
2. Move on: This is the nuclear option. However it should never be ignored. Staying in an unhappy relationship just because it is easier than manning up and moving on is never the right thing to do for either person. So when considering this option think carefully about what is wrong and how deep the problems go. There is a chance moving on is the right choice but you must never take it lightly. What else in the relationship other than sex do you value? If there is nothing left now that the sex is slowing down it might be worth having a serious think about what you really want.
3. Bring others into the bedroom: If breaking up is the nuclear option then polyamory and swinging are the tactical airstrike. This option is great for those that have a very high sex drive, which is most of us here at F-Buddy. So firstly it should be said that wanting to bring other people from outside the relationship into the bedroom is nothing to be guilty about. In fact admitting your desires and considering your options is very mature.
It is natural to be curious about people other than the one that you have chosen to be with but let it never be said that it is easy. You and your partner need to be very sure that you are both comfortable to be bringing other sexual partners into your lives. Emotions even in the best circumstances will be frayed at times and this will not always be anyone's fault but nonetheless unavoidable.
If you are having a problem keeping things fresh with the one you love I hope these tips helped you.
If they did or you have something to add yourself let me know in the comments.
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