Hello fuck buddies, today's topic is something that is close to my heart and something that I know to help with nearly everything in life but not least of all in the bedroom. That thing I am talking about is the ability to truly and really love yourself.
To some of you this may seem like a silly if not even stupid idea. Surely we all love ourselves naturally so this post is meaningless? Well unfortunately not all of us do love ourselves in adult life due to many different factors I could not go into here but suffice to say this is a common factor in day to day life and therefore in all of our sex lives too.
Quickly I'd like to share my own experience with learning to love myself and how firstly realising what I was doing and then going through the steps of changing was certainly very difficult but oh so worth the effort it took.
My story is a classic one of a young man without a good and strong male role model to look up to that over time developed a certain disdain for men and therefore himself also. I could only see the destructive, disruptive and cruelty that men caused and I could not see any good or worth beyond the giving of a seed which after all can be done by a single man for the whole species given today's technology, so even that purpose was lose in my eyes.
This loss of confidence in the masculine had a knock on effect on my dating and therefore sex life too. Leading me to not believe that women wanted to be with me or love me because how could they love a stupid, mean and violent man? I hated who I was and yet could not help it, and even if I could act more like a woman i would not be accepted in that way. Now the solution for me was not to become a woman, no I am a heterosexual 'normal' person but I simply needed to learn to love who I was. Love my manhood, love my strength, my problem solving and my fiery passion. Now these wounds are still there and I will sometimes still slip into self hatred and guilt at times but I constantly remind myself that I love myself and only have the best intentions at heart.
This newfound love for myself resulted in me losing my virginity only a few months later, having my first long term relationship in my life and I am now a semi experienced dom in the bedroom able to confidently use my masculinity to dominate my beloved girlfriend. Something that I could never do with self hatred in my heart.
I have explained the power of this transformation from the point of view of the dom in this post but I believe it to be true in the case of subs too. Sometimes the sub mindset comes from a place of self hatred but it also comes from a place of wanting to feel more deeply than one is usually able to. For instance many people that are very coddled in their life will wish to be dominated due to this. This does not mean that they hated themselves and certainly is nothing to be ashamed of.
So in summary ask yourself really do you love yourself as much as you deserve? Is there something you don't like about yourself that you will never stop blaming yourself for or focusing on as evidence of your inferiority? You must not ignore these feelings, embrace them and realise how foolish and cruel they are. Focus on the good that you do, on how you have contributed and forgive yourself. You are doing the best you can, never forget that.
Love yourself.
Add new comment