How many times a month should you have sex?

After all the talk and saturation of sex being promoted throughout our lives, we still have trouble talking about some of the most basic things when it comes to sex. For instance, how many times on average should you have it? How much is too much? Is it normal to want it only a few times a month or normal to want it at least twice a day?

There are no straightforward answers.

But there are some clear physical and emotional life state indicators to give us some clue as to what might be going on under the sheets.

How many times a month?
I met a woman the other night in a bar who told me flat out after we had gotten a little cosy, that she needed to have sex at least three times a week. What I found interesting about that conversation was that she had supplanted the word I naturally expected ‘want’ with the word ‘need’. She was in her late 30s and couldn’t care less that she had basically told me that if we’re going to see each other casually or otherwise, I would be expected to do my duty and give her fucking good seeing to at least three times a week.

I’m never one to shy away from a challenge – especially when the challenge is so enticing – but after a few weeks of fucking this gorgeous, smart and forthright woman, I actually got tired! She needed sex not just three times a week; she seemed to need it at least three times a day!

In stark contrast I spoke to a close friend of mine who is in her 40s and is married with 3 kids – all boys. She says she and her husband are lucky if they have sex twice a month. And she says it’s not because they don’t want to, it’s more because they’re too tired to do it. She comes home, checks the boys’ homework, takes turns with her husband to cook dinner and does a million and one other things before going to bed at which time its past midnight and she’s exhausted. Sex is the last thing on her mind. Saturday’s she tells me are the days they usually get some ‘quality bedroom time’ but even then it’s kind of rushed and in the early morning before the boys wake up and bound in.

The difference between these two women lay in their lifestyles. My friend who is married with kids has trouble fitting sex into her schedule and doesn’t want to feel forced to do it like a chore. The woman I met in the bar I her 30s and was demanding it at least three times a week (which as I found out was an under-exaggeration) had no kids and no husband. She had fewer commitments in her life.

So how many times should you have sex in a month?
Based on what two very different people with different lifestyles have told me, it really does depend on what else you’re doing in your life. If you have a lot on your plate you will probably want sex less. Conversely if you’re low on your commitments and have a lot of free time, you’re likely to want sex more.

The simple fact is people are different so it depends entirely on what your lifestyle is like.

Happy fucking!