There’s been a lot of talk in the media over Christmas and the New Year about the amount of casual hook ups that occur. A season of partying almost every night and drinking perhaps more then is necessary. One of the most common assumptions that comes out of these discussions has been that women can get sex at the snap of their fingers, whereas men have to work a lot harder to get down and dirty with the object of their affection.
Why the assumption?
We ourselves have talked a lot in this blog over the social conditioning there is over casual sex and its role between men and women. On the surface of it, women do seem to wield an awful lot of power over whether or not they will have sex…which to me sounds very disturbing! Surely we should all have the same level of power over whether or not we want to have sex? To deny choice and power opens up a nasty door that no one should have to go through. The implication that women exercise this level of control over sex is frankly a bit naïve.
Different People, Different Needs and Desires
We are all different (thank God!) and as such we all have different sexual and social preferences. From doing it doggy style to spending time with a potential fuck buddy in a social setting, having sex is something we like to do in a myriad of different ways. And this applies to the kind of people we want to have sex with too. You can’t just expect every man or woman you meet to want you inside of a minute. Both men and women have to work equally as hard to get the sexual partner they want.
The Reason
There is a confusion of the truth when people say it is easier for women to get casual sex then men. In one sense, yes based on several surveys women can seem to have a lot more casual sex if they so desire then men. But this doesn’t mean that they are always getting the kind of sex they desire. If you go back to the Russell Clark experiment run in 1978 at the Florida State University, the results showed that more men answered ‘yes’ to the following question; ‘I have been noticing you around campus. I find you to be attractive. Would you go to bed with me tonight?’
Clark believed the reason for this to be evolutionary – women have evolved to be more selective about their partners then men as they want their offspring to be sired by the strongest male available. Men on the other hand have evolved to spread their seed as much as possible and are therefore less choosey about potential mates.
Interesting, but there is more to this then meets the eye.
Equal Rights
Both men and women can equally score high casual sex encounters if they so desire. The differences that exist between us mean that we always prefer different types of sex at different times with different people. The lesson to be learned is that if you think you’re not getting the casual sex that you want, it has nothing to do with your status as a man or woman. It has everything to do with the types of partner you’re looking for and the style of sex you want.
Concentrate hard on what it is you really want from casual sex and you may find that your success rates change for the better.
Happy fucking!
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