The lives we lead and way we act on a day to day basis are vastly different to how we and/or our fuck buddies like to us to act in the bedroom. It is very common to have fantasies of either being submissive to a dominant partner or to dominate a partner sexually. These desires go very deep as do all sexual desires and they should not be ignored nor should they be considered shameful. However there is a problem, specifically in our modern world of us all being able to engage fully in these fantasy roles wholeheartedly when they are so different to our normal way of being.
This principal applies both to those that mean to dominate and submit. This is because in our day to day lives at work and play we are required to sit somewhere in the middle of these two states and ramping up will often hit our normal social barriers and cause discomfort mentally and emotionally. Another source of problems can be your day life slipping into the bedroom. This is normal as none of us can always completely turn off our feelings and thoughts especially the stronger they are. This can be hard because the excitement of these roles is the uncontrolled primal desires manifesting physically which will be disrupted by doubt and discussion inherently.
However do not lose heart there are things that can be done to slip back into sync with your partner or even to push them into the mindset you wish they would be in.
Advice for the Dom
There are a couple of common problems for those taking on the role of dom in sex.
1. You fear hurting, either physically or emotionally, your fuck buddy. This can come both from not knowing how rough they want to play and also a sense of disparity in the dom between their boundries outside the bedroom and inside.
Solution:
Between sexual encounters express your fear and make sure either with a safe word or just a clear communication that you will know when your sub is uncomfortable. After having set this boundary continue to slowly but surely ramp up your domination. You will probably see your sub become noticeably more turned on and you will probably be surprised by how far they are willing to go to feel completely dominated by their master. Seeing their sexual release will give you the confidence to remember that you are making somebody happy, you are a good person, and your heart is in the right place. You are merely playing out a fantasy of a villain, you are not one.
Additionally hopefully you are turned on by playing dom yourself so give yourself the permission to enjoy seeing your fuck buddy's body be in your hands like putty. Play with them and play out your fantasies. For the sub one of the biggest turn ons will be seeing and feeling how hard (female doms can show this by smothering the sub in their wet pussy and forcing the sub down) their submission has made you. They want to feel your primal desires and succumb to being used by you. Enjoy the power, don't slap them because they want it, slap them because they are nothing but a play thing to you.
2. The sub (submissive) is not able to completely submit, due to a large number of possible reasons, and this is causing the dom to feel uncomfortable and critically not sexually excited.
Solution:
This is a hard one (no pun intended). Both parties can help with this problem but from the dom's point of view they need to either ignore the sub's assertions (although this can back fire, it is hard to maintain dominance like this, it is a very subtle art) or remind their sub both physically and verbally that they are not to challenge you because they are a filthy little sub that no one wants to heard from.
Another tip from the dom in this case is to make your sub work for your attention. If you are the one that is more aroused and keen for sex at all times then that lessens your position as the dominant figure. Be patient and wait for them to ask for your attention and then punish them for being such a slutty piece of filth. Get them to strip for you or dress up like a slut for you and work for your overwhelming power. You will feel more dominant in this position too which is the best help.
That's it for dom tips but come back soon and I will cover tips for subs to make their masters happy.
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