“I met this guy through work. We’d seen each other at a few conferences and had chatted over coffee and lunch with other people. He was cute but I’d never seriously considered anything happening with him, mainly because I was married. Both of us felt the sexual tension but it was me that decided to do something about it. At one conference I’d had quite a few bottles of wine and ended up inviting him back to my hotel room. We started making out and things got hot and heavy pretty fast. I’d been married for 6 years and have always had good sex with my husband. But that was so familiar and this was new and exciting!”
Jen, 35, USA
Jen’s story sounds like so many others we hear about. There’s something about illicit hook ups and encounters that gets peoples’ juices flowing that much more than a standard meet up and fuck encounter. Maybe it’s the unexpectedness of them? Or does it have something to do with the fear of getting caught? It actually has to do with all of this and more but the last sentence of Jen’s story reveals the common element: illicit affairs are often new and exciting. And that’s why people do them. However it is also why they don’t last and why casual sex usually works best when an affair isn’t involved.
Something NEW
We’re human beings and we get bored pretty easily. Anything new that breaks us out of our comfort zone often gets our attention. Men often get accused of wondering eyes and hands but women are equally as guilty. An illicit affair involves new sex and we all know the excitement new sex can bring. It’s hot, it’s different and it makes us hungry for more. Having sex with someone you’re not supposed to adds an extra element of excitement to proceedings.
Why it rarely lasts and doesn’t work long term
I know what you’re thinking. Casual sex is by its very nature is surely not designed to last that long. Well that all depends on the type of casual sex you’re having. Casual sex where both sides are honest about what it means to them can last a very long time. Friends with benefits, fuck buddies, open relationships all come under this category. An affair however involves lying and it’s this element which causes the fun of the sex to evaporate quickly.
Yes it is fun to do something naughty and yes it’s a turn on when you feel like you’re doing something that you shouldn’t. But affair sex can peter out very quickly when one or both parties find the pressure of lying too much to bear. Morality has nothing to do with it. The pressure of continually lying to someone is always hard to bear.
So if you’re having an illicit affair by all means go for it if you think it’s exciting and fun. Just remember there are better ways to get the same excitement from casual sex.
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